Jared's Different Dads

To this day my relationship with my father continues a familiar pattern. I have to make the effort to contact him. It’s up to me to initiate contact and even then he doesn’t always respond. It’s hard to admit, but all these years later I still feel like an obligation on those rare occasions when he pays any attention to me.

For the brief time my Mom was married to Darren there was a man in my life who felt more like a friend than a father. I mentioned his immaturity and his inability to express emotion. For everything he struggled with, he actually spoke words that were encouraging to me. When I was watching T.V. he would watch me. I’m a real emotional guy and when I was younger I’d really get into whatever I was watching or the action figures I played with. Darren used to tell me how much he liked seeing my emotional expressions. Maybe it was because he had such a hard time expressing emotion, but it meant a lot to me that he saw something in me to admire. It felt good. Unlike my father, Darren was happy to share his interests with me. Whenever I would ask questions about his hobbies he’d go into great detail telling me all about what he was working on. It was awesome to have an adult connect with me that way. Once again a man was showing me something about myself by his actions, except this time the message was positive.

Dave’s style is different from my father or Darren. From the beginning Dave’s taken an interest in what I liked. That translates to feeling like he takes an interest in me. Unlike Darren, though, Dave has shown his interest in more of a “father” way than Darren. For the first year and a half when Dave was dating my Mom he was just another guy. And, to tell the truth, I was kind of done with guys at that point. Besides my father and Darren there had been other guys in and out of my life as my Mom dated. Things changed when Dave married my Mom. As I said in my story, he became the man of the house and displaced me as I’d sort of taken on that role. Once I realized he was kind of here to stay it was a bit of a shock as I wasn’t used to a man sticking around.

At first…and by that I mean the first two and a half years…we really butted heads. Dave had his own issues and a new wife, added to the two previous wives he had to deal with, and I felt like I was a burden. I didn’t really feel like he wanted me around. Once again, it wasn’t the verbal labels but what I read into what wasn’t said. There were some times where he would get angry and direct it at me with harsh words and that only added to the sense that he didn’t really want me around.
Now, as we write this, Dave and I have worked things out pretty well. He’s good at telling me how he feels without the anger. More than any other man in my life Dave feels like a father to me. He tells me he’s proud of me. He gives me pointers on where I can improve. He actually engages me in conversation and continues to take an interest in me. He wants to do things with me and wants me to do things with him. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I’ve had in my life.