Truth in Labeling

As important as the initial naming of your children is, the labels you add to it over the years are what truly reinforce and define that name. Here’s another story from the Bible…

9 One day Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee, and he was baptized by John in the Jordan River. 10 And when Jesus came up out of the water, he saw the heavens split open and the Holy Spirit descending like a dove on him. 11 And a voice came from heaven saying, “You are my beloved Son, and I am fully pleased with you.”

Beloved Son…what a great label. Not only that, but his father is fully pleased with him. Your children need to know two things. That they are beloved and that you are fully pleased with them. That doesn’t mean you can never be upset or disappointed with some of your children’s behaviors. You absolutely have an obligation as father to express your disappointment and displeasure in wrong behavior. However, there is a world of difference between identifying bad behavior and labeling a child as a bad person.

The most consistent label Jim Kurth pasted on me was “irresponsible”. It seemed to me that, in his eyes, it was my general state of being not related to particular instances or choices I’d made. Globally I was irresponsible according to him and for a very long time I believed that to be true. It’s devastating to be labeled with words that are negative and hurtful. By words and actions we communicate so many things to our children. Stupid, worthless, inept, slow, clumsy, weak, not loved, not my child and so many more labels are attached to us by father. On the other hand we can just as easily label them genius, gifted, adept, graceful, sharp, strong, worthy, my beloved child. From a child’s perspective either set of words is absolutely true if they’re spoken by their father.

Which labels are you consistently using for your children?

It’s not too late to switch lists if you’ve been using the hurtful one so far. It will take some practice to check what you say to your children before you actually let the words out of your mouth. Here’s another Biblical truth; words have power and once they’re sent out they can’t be brought back. You can start sending better labels to reverse some of the damage the bad labels have inflicted. At this point I must acknowledge that much of what you’re saying to your children are labels first affixed to you by your father. In many ways you’re simply peeling them off and pasting them on your children. Think about that!